2016

Birth, blacklivesmatter, corruption, Faith, Food, God, health, hope, hurt, institutionalracism, Jesus, Motherhood, pain, Parenting, race

What comes to mind when you think of 2016? Is it the Presidential election, Black Lives Matter, Planned Parenthood, senseless deaths….Haiti? Is it social media, bathroom rights, Cosby, Kanye, The Kardashians, and Katherine Jenner? How about mommy wars, breastfeed shaming(to cover or not to cover), GMO’s, Vaccines and all those holistic dr. deaths being suspect.  What about police brutality, riots, Dallas, the New Jim Crow, Flint and …the wall.

I know, I know, some of you are probably thinking….damn.

Some of you are probably wanting to stop reading right now, but wait.

I know that this year has bene rough to say the least.  I personally left tha book(you know what I mean) right before the election. I needed to. As much as I wanted to change the world for my children the world was wrecking me.

I’m an empath.  Google it….With that said this year has been a tough one.

I initially thought that this blog entry would be about how amazing 2016 had been. Because when it’s all said and done there is a laundry list of things that I am so thankful for. It’s been a whirlwind but a good one. The tough times have brought me to a place of self reflection and healing.

The thing is…I want to encourage you. Instead of marinating on the brutality of this past year or wishing for it to be over I want you to close your eyes for a while and peel back all the thick layers of hurt and pain until you come to something…beautiful.

Keep peeling….

Peel it off…

keep on going…

almost there….

Have you found it?

Now once you’ve found it I want you to reflect on it. Go deep. See if anyone else could have possibly been affected in a positive light. After that I want you to go searching for more. It should get easier. Pretty soon you just may be focused solely on just how amazing 2016 has been. Notice I didn’t say “was”. Because 2016 is not over. You still have a few more days to make incredible memories.

Can I share something beautiful with you?

In Oct. I found myself on the verge of a mental breakdown. My husband and I were not speaking each others love language, I was overwhelmed being at home all day with three kids under five. I was always tired, I missed being fit and dancing like I use to, I was sad. Sad because my family life is not how I imagined it would be. Sad because of all the tragedy in the word and my eyes being opened to oppression and institutional racism. People of color feeling hopeless and babies dying in the womb because women feel they have no way out and a government that keeps people trapped into an oppressive mindset and way of life. I could go on and on at the things that were plaguing my mind but let me get to the good stuff.

The good stuff is that I know for sure that I needed help. I’ve suffered with depression on and off for years. And post partum depression can develop anywhere from a few weeks to a year after delivery. Is it possible that if you have your babies every 2-2.5 yrs like me, that you never fully kick it? Maybe, all I know is that with a little help from some natural supplements(I’m not talking about the ganja 😉  Although, that stuff has some amazing properties if you can get it legally(obey the laws of the land ya’ll).

Anyways supplements helped me and dare I say it(to all my agnostic and heathen friends, don’t tune me out) Jesus. I’m serious ya’ll. If there is one thing that has remained constant in my life it is Christ. The one that saved me. The one that listens even when I may not feel He is. The one that keeps me going. The one that I will always and forever give glory to. I’ve joined a local BSF where we study the Word. Not devotional, no….BIBLE STUDY. It’s been amazing. But most importantly, my relationship with God is growing. I’m grounded or shall I say rooted.

I encourage you to give up the desire to be “tha man or woman” and lay your burdens at the cross. Just lay it out. Everything……then wait. Wait for His direction and be prepared for whatever that is. Sometimes it is in line with what you want and then sometimes it reminds you that your desires aren’t His desires. People often misquote Psalm 37:4

“Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

They usually take out the first part of that sentence and say “Girl you know God will give you the desires of your heart”…………..WRONG……but right. Who or what do you delight in? If you aren’t delighting in the Lord then……marinate on that for a minute.

My husband teaches our children this saying. “I am what I am by the grace of God, by the grace of God”. Now repeat that.  Rap that piece. Add a little shoulder bounce and beat to it. I’m here to remind you that “You are what you are by the grace of God, by the Grace of God”.

So if you don’t take away anything from this year, take away that…and carry it into the new year.

Romans Road – Romans 3:23, 3:10, 5:12, 6:23, 5:8, 10:9-10, 10:13, 10:17

John 3:16

Ashe,

Cessilye

#RECESS

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It’s a Date

Motherhood, Parenting

Ramon and I realized a while back that we must have 1 on 1 time with are munchkins, so we make it a point to do that. The thing that Emmanuel(5yr) and I enjoy doing together involves a trip to The Dallas Farmers Market. This is where we pick out local veggies and meat raised humanely along with local honey narrowed down by zip code(gotta stay on those allergies). Emmanuel enjoys every second of our date. There are two things that we most look forward to. Checking out the garden and Pudding On Smiles banana pudding. Support your local #BOB #puddingonsmiles

As we headed out on our journey to the market we pass through a nursery. This nursery is very big and there are lots of areas to explore. Being a mom that is always on the move I had my mind focused on getting to the market, picking out our goodies and leaving. But no.

Emmanuel had a different plan.  He saw something. He saw lot’s of things. Trees, bushes, flowers, archways, beautiful shaded areas and he says “mom can we go down there?”. At first I said, “well we have to go get our veggies”….you know me….eyes on the goal. But then something in me said, STOP. Listen to your son, relax, take your time and enjoy this moment. How often do you find the time to stop rushing so you can see what your passing? Or better yet, how often do you look through your peripheral vision to expand your vision?

I gave in to the pulling, let the control in me go and simply enjoyed my son. I asked him if I could hold his hand. “Yes” he replied and we nearly held hands the entire outing. At one point he says “Mommy, I like it when we have private time”. In fact he said it about five times while we were out and about.

He didn’t have to share me and I didn’t feel pulled in two, three or four different directions. For moments throughout our date it felt as if he were my only child. That is until he insisted on introducing everyone to Ezra who happened to be on my back.

I share this experience with you because parenthood is full of… everything.  But get this. Moments like this are what it’s all about. Take time to follow your child’s lead. Look through your peripheral. You will be amazed by how much of the world you once missed out on. And they will always remember their parents spending time with them.

#RECESS

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